Why People with ADHD Use Humour to Avoid Discomfort

“My wife calls me a puppy” he said with thin laughter as she related endless stories of his distractability.

I laughed with them both - and then wondered how he truly felt about being described like this.

Humour is a gift. It breaks the ice, disarms tension, and keeps things moving. But sometimes, it’s doing more than making people laugh.

Sometimes, it’s providing a smokescreen.

When laughter is a coping strategy

In ADHD coaching, I often see humour being used as a clever sidestep around discomfort. Someone feels embarrassed, overwhelmed, or stuck - and out pops a joke to keep things light.

It’s rarely deliberate. More often, it’s a lifelong habit: a way to escape that familiar sting of shame, judgment or the inner critic.

The brain behind the banter

This habit has roots in the ADHD brain. Traits like impulsivity, emotional sensitivity, and rapid-fire thinking can make humour both a natural strength and a shield.

For example:

• A conversation gets serious - joke!

• You feel criticised - joke!

• You’re asked to explain something you haven’t done - double joke!

It’s charming. It’s relatable. But over time, it can become a reflex that keeps you from facing what really needs your attention.

Humour isn’t the problem

There’s nothing wrong with being funny. ADHD often comes with a quick mind and brilliant offbeat humour. The problem arises when jokes stop being fun and start being a way to dodge discomfort, deep connection, or growth.

If this resonates...

You’re not alone… and it’s definitely not too late.

But you might be ready to stop deflecting and start moving forward, with support and structure, and your sense of humour still very much intact.

Coaching doesn’t take away your sparkle.

It just helps you use it more deliberately - so it supports your goals, instead of protecting you from them.

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